Bullying by any other name: Calgary Karens say they are sick of being the butt of the joke

The name is said to be Danish in origin, evolving from the Greek word ‘Aikaterine, which is believed to mean pure. It is also the name of a group of Indigenous people of Myanmar and western Thailand. In French, it can mean clear and in Hebrew means ray, as in sunshine.

But you would have to be living under a rock without sunshine to be unfamiliar with how the name Karen has been hijacked and redefined to encompass a mess of negativity and hatred.

According to dictionary.com, Karen is “a pejorative slang term for an obnoxious, angry, entitled and often racist middle-aged white woman who uses her privilege to get her way or police other people’s behaviours.”

Memes, jokes, and punchlines

Incessant name shaming has seen the name go from a popular moniker to a punchline.

From the Karen haircut (ugly and outdated) to comedians ripping off one-liners such as, “If I was born a girl and named Karen by my parents, I’d ask to speak to the manager” — the attacks are relentless.

In online jokes and memes, people leverage the name to lash out at pretty much anything they find offensive or irritating.

Recently, the now de facto term Karen was slapped onto darker elements of the pro-freedom entourage of truckers protesting pandemic-related mandates in a campaign that took many to Ottawa where some defaced a Terry Fox memorial by using it as a placard holder for anti-government rhetoric.

Enough is enough

Calgarian Karen Mills took years of social media Karen-bashing in stride. But that changed when she saw it applied to the ongoing trucker convoy protests freedom rallies.

“After years of taking the meme in stride, I must speak out … can we not call the truck thing the Karen Convoy?” she tweeted. “Find another nickname for entitled dudes this time.”

While it garnered support, of course, it also served as another opportunity for haters to weigh in.

The last time Mills looked, there were more than 900 likes, about 50 retweets, lots of supportive comments, and, of course, the regular trolls seizing the moment to do what they do.

“Being linked to a group of right-wing freedom truckers didn’t sit right with me. I just find it tiresome and distracting,” she says.

The graphic designer says the use of the name Karen as a representation of everything from white supremacy to the anti-vax movement is, perhaps, a sign of the times.

“People do seem very quick to anger and to take quick positions on things. Many people seem more polarized and agitated,” she says.

What’s in a name

The way Karen Kirk sees it, those using the name as a hate-filled descriptor are simply lazy. And, she adds, it makes more sense to use the real names of offenders to hold them accountable when the beef is with bad behaviour.

“Use a better adjective,” she says. “Don’t hide behind someone else’s name. There are billions of adjectives out there that would be more constructive and to the point.”

Worse than that, the name-calling isn’t innocuous because let’s face it, no one likes to be the butt of the joke especially when it so often crosses the line.

Kirk knows a woman who planned to name her newborn after her mother, Karen, but didn’t because she feared the backlash it could incite and another Karen who is gay is experiencing a double dose of mocking based on her sexuality and name.

“My mom is very sad about it,” Kirk says. “She named me after her best friend. Now it’s a racist bit, a scapegoat name.”

Karen-isms are more than just annoying; they can be harmful

Kirk says there is no widely-held male equivalent making it sexist and a way to silence women, while pointing out not all Karens are white. Indeed, there are Karens all around the world with real-life problems who don’t appreciate the badgering, at best, or are hurt by the slaggings.

She worries about those who are harder hit by the idiots on the bandwagon.

“I can handle bullies, but I feel sorry for the young Karens,” she says.

Mount Royal University psychologist, Dr. Kathy Offet-Gartner, says people who pile on with the Karen-isms are not thinking of the consequences for others.

“Adults who get caught up with urban slang and put-downs are behaving like children — immature, unaware and using generalizations that are unkind, disrespectful and depersonalizing,” she says.

“They are distancing themselves from the language they are using and being followers, without thinking of the impact. Easy to point a finger at another, to opine, and judge another; make jokes or make fun of with memes. However, if they were to speak to the person would they behave and speak the same way? I highly doubt it.”

Offet-Gartner says they not only separate themselves from the faceless Karens they mock, but are saying they are “better than… and somehow above,” their targets.

“They are stereotyping — and stereotyping is never fair, kind, or just. It is very unfair for those innocent and uninvolved individuals whose name happens to be Karen,” she says.

Thoughts on just laughing it off?

Kirk says not a chance when some Karen-related fodder includes memes of women burning in hell or being sexually assaulted.

“I can’t,” she says. “There are more than two million real-life women in the world named Karen. We’re from Australia and England and the States and Canada.”

The married mother of two concedes many people on the bandwagon are likely unaware of how bad anti-Karen sentiments are and the damage they do.

“I guess most people don’t know how much real-life Karens are being bullied and teased and mocked and laughed at,” says the registered nurse who has weathered on-the-job comments.

“A coworker called me a ‘dirty Karen.’ She was kidding, I guess, teasing me. But am I supposed to laugh at being called a ‘dirty Karen?’ No one needs anything extra in their lives right now. It doesn’t make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside,” says Kirk.

“I worry about it every time I say my name to a stranger, ‘Oh, here it is,’” she adds. “This $hit is stupid. I just don’t go online anymore.”